That inner voice
The first time I remember feeling shame was when I was three. But the first vivid memory was when I was five. My mom pointed out how thin my best friend Maya was and how my belly stuck out. I was five.
Everyone including me was reduced to their parts, and each part was scrutinized and compared to those of others. That has always been my inner voice. How I think about myself and others. Reductionism, scrutiny and comparison.
Until the other day, I was always bewildered by the intensity of the shame and mortification when Arya acts out when we’re in public. I mean, everyone judges others as harshly and ruthlessly as I do, right? (No, Diana, not everybody). And if I accept that everyone is as full of shit as my mother was . . .
At this point, I have to reckon with ending the cycle. . .
Stop responding to Arya through waves of generational trauma.
Stop reacting to Arya’s emotions and behavior rather than responding to her underlying needs.
Arya doesn’t deserve it just like I didn’t deserve it. Do things differently. Change what matters.
Authenticity
Compassion
Kindness